When prayer works...

[pre-Malawi:  June 16, 2011]

As I was driving to work the other day I was struck by the realization that my relationship with God has slowly been drifting towards stagnant territory.  There hasn't been any massive chasms in faith or great barriers to intimacy... its just been the subtle, slow busyness of the world skootching my time with God off the schedule.  I couldn't remember the last time that I had enjoyed a day filled with small conversations with my creator- praises, concerns, supplications and confessions.  And so as I drove, I turned off the radio and quieted my heart and sat in His peace.  (why do I so easily forget how good this is?!)

I have been overwhelmed lately.  Stress and Anxiety has been draining me like a swarm of hungry mosquitos.  Turning my joy to frustration.  Causing me to bark at my friends instead of speak with love.  Pulling me out of community and into an emo-esk state of self-dispair.  There is such a clear parallel between my walk and my mood. 

On top of life's normal encroachment, I have felt under fire the last couple days. The proximity to our trip, the amount of work still to be done, the simultaneous barrage of past wounds rearing their heads could not be coincidence.  This was an attack.  And at just the moment when I thought I was going to crack... when I couldn't take the strain of the burdens being heaped upon my shoulders... when I knew, just KNEW, that everything was going to fall apart and there was nothing I could do... i remembered that it was Prayer and Worship night at Flood. 

I had signed up to be on the pre-event prayer team and upon arrival Linsey asked me to lead the group.  How was I supposed to help create a space for people to shed the day and experience God when I was up to my eyeballs in life's muck?!  But I had no where else to go... so I stepped into that space.  Out of obedience I took one step at a time towards righting my heart and surrendering my cares.  I invited the team to first pray for our prayer team before we presumed to pray over the multipurpose room.  And moment by moment layers began to fall from me.  I journaled His trusts and felt the stress begin to melt.  Anxiety turn into submission. And His peaceful presence envelop me again.

Today, I got up with a smile and praised Him. (even though i wanted to stay snuggled in my warm cozy bed). I signed on to my computer at work to find emails working out the problems that had felt sufficating yesterday.  I recieved a call from the automotive center saying my car was not only fixed- but the cost was cheaper than orignally quoted! 

If I don't pray, how can God answer my prayers?  If I don't turn to Him, how can he comfort me?
Today I rejoice!  My mood is restored.  My joy secure.  If God is for us... who can be against us!?

move me...

"Forgive us for the ways in which we are 

bewitched,

too settled,

at ease in false places"

The Storms Will Come

The storms will come.


Its not a matter of If…
                             Or Might….
                                 Or Maybe……
No, the storms will come.

The waters will rage
The winds will batter
The rain will pound
The earth will shake

And it doesn’t matter
if you thought you were impervious;
if you believed you were strong;
if you convinced yourself that all your days would be tranquil and calm…

The storms will still come.


But why do some people have to endure
        ferocious hurricanes
              and torrential tsunamis
                    and life shattering quakes
while I “suffer” mild ripples of inconvenience.

Why do some people experience
         frost bitten nights
               unending hunger pains
                    and dreary, dismal futures
while I complain of too many opportunities


Why do your storms painfully ravage
While mine lightly d
                              r
                               i
                                z 
                                 z           
                                  l  
                                   e...


Yes, the storms will come
     And Yes, on this Rock I will stand firm
           And Yes, He can shelter and secure you too…
But that doesn’t mean that the tempest is fair…
It does not rage the same everywhere.

Glimpses of Beauty

I recently attended a women's event at my church focusing on finding the beauty in hard, foreign, strange places.  We connected over sharing areas in our lives that were difficult, desperately trying to search for the beauty hidden in them.  As part of the event we did a stream of conscious/free-write list of things that give us life in the midst of challenging circumstances...things that keep us from giving up... that give us a glimpse of God's grace and goodness when it seems near impossible to find a silver lining. 

Here were mine-(written within the 3 (or so) min time limit)

sunlight sparkling on the ocean
the soft band of peach across the horizon before the sun dips out of sight
fields dotted with golden pools of water at sunset
the coolness of grass on my bare feet on a warm day
the warmth of a good hard hug
the intoxicating smell of perfectly ripe tangerines
thin whipsy clouds in the stratosphere with thick billowy cumulous clouds in the forefront
the linger of dark chocolate on my tongue
the crash of waves against the cliffs....
               (there is something beautiful and soulfully soothing in the violence and turbulence of the water)
worn pieces of sea glass
a perfect cappuccino
the hide and seek of sunlight and shadow against mountains and canyons
sea gulls floating on the breeze
the sight of worn and weathered hands
Truth in unexpected places
candles and Nora Jones
sharing a full-bodied glass of wine on with good friends


Undoubtedly there are countless more things... but these are at the top of my list.  On a hard day, drinking a cappuccino while staring out across the ocean allows me to breathe a little easier.  It gives me perspective.  It gives me Hope.  It reminds me that God is Love, and Good, and Creative, and Amazing...  It makes me stop- even if only for a moment- and remember that I am surrounded by blessings and grandeur.  In the midst of my tumult there is rest for my soul.  These things keep me alive when I am fading and give me strength to face another day.  He has surrounded me with glimpses of beauty when I feel lost in darkness.

Simply Holy

I know I have broken your trust and promised posts and not delivered....I'm not sure why you're reading this right now with the spotty history that I have exhibited...but I am done with excuses and explanations.  (if i don't promise anything I can't let you down!)  :)  I will say that sometimes the desire to Blog doesn't perfectly translate into post.  But on to the meat and potatoes-leaving behind the old and surging on to something new and exciting.

Not long ago I was accused of blasphemous speech as a result of my over usage of ‘holy vocabulary’.  It was said that by over using such words as “heavenly” or “glorious” I was degrading their value to common place adjectives.  Saying, for instance “this cheesecake tastes heavenly” or “that sunset is glorious” (which I admittedly do often) was sacrilegious.  This person asked… “do you really think so little of heaven or glory to throw them around so lightly?”  Which got me thinking…

 

As I ate a delectable pain au chocolat from the Bouchon Bakery in Yountville this morning I contemplated this description dilemma…   it was a crisp, buttery, flakey exterior with a soft doughy center graced by two smooth rich decadent dark chocolate logs whose sweetness was perfectly complimented by the saltiness of the excessive amounts of butter used in its preparation.  And… after a moment’s pause I could not think of another word other than….mmmmmmm…..heavenly.   

 

The glistening grape leaves of gold and garnet with spatterings of chartreuse heavily hung on the vines…. The play of shadow and sun light through billowy cumulous clouds in a sapphire sky... The kaleidoscope of colors (and enticing smells) at a local Farmer’s Market… the bite of the autumn air on your nose whilst your body is kept cozy with a soft plum pashmina… all these are simply…glorious.

 

And though I may be guilty of sometimes using these terms without always fully thinking through their meaning, I firmly assert that they should be used more and not less.  For in all these things that I find delight is the Glory of God.  In all these things that tickle my tongue with happiness or amaze my eyes with the splendor of creation is His holiness… a piece of heaven in this life on earth.  What better way to describe the wonders around than to do so through acknowledging He who blessed us with them all.  Heaven is in the smallest and simplest things… His glory is reflected in the common place every day that we may rarely notice.  More often than not we take God out of the world around us by merely acknowledge “its” beauty and not His role in making it so.  Everything from Him is holy and we are to bask in the enjoyment of it!