If you know me… you may know the 4 little words that have
been attributed as my unofficial mantra.
“Say it with Confidence”
If you don’t know,
make something up and say it with confidence.
If you might be wrong, but think you’re right, just say it
with confidence.
If you absolutely know you are right… by all means, say it
with confidence. (catching the gist?)
I remember my parents trying to drill the words “in my
opinion” into my vocabulary. Trying
desperately to teach me to not state opinion or whim as cold hard fact.
I remember being in class and unable to stand the silence of
an unanswered question. My fingers would
tap, my feet fidget… I would try as long as possible to hold back (seconds
would feel like eternity) until finally, when I could stand the uncomfortable
silence no longer, I would raise my hand in relief, and confidently answer the
question.
I hate when things go unanswered…
We’re supposed to learn as we go:
Writing, Reading, Arithmetic.
Driving. Dating. Breakups.
Laundry. Making your
own meals and balancing your own budget.
Resumes. Bills. Taxes…
Most things come with age and experience. Some take longer than others… (Boundaries). Some lessons feel like you may never learn
them…(Humility). We acquire answers and
knowledge in a multitude of places in a myriad of ways. Our questions will eventually get answered… right?
I am a learner. I
love stuffing my brain full of tid-bits of information like a piñata full of
candy. I hate when I don’t know
something. I will google it on the spot or make something up until I can research
it later. I must have an answer to
give. And in most things I can wear this
“I know all things mask” and get by. I
can do a quick wiki search and find the ingredients in that “Army Navy” cocktail
or tell you how to replace your rear brake pads. I’m really good at finding the answers I
need. I’m really good at Learning.
But what happens when there are no answers. When it can’t be
found out there in the wonderful world wide web. When I can’t learn my way through it.
That… That is the hardest lesson. That not everything has an answer. That not everything can be learned. Some things are just…. uncomfortable, sticky, mean, grey anomalies.
In my 27 years I’ve learned a lot (and forgotten much too). But the most challenging lesson I wish I had
learned earlier is that in reality there are limits to learning. There are things without answers. There are difficult “Why’s” that I desperately
desire to resolve. There are reasons and
rationales that slip into that much loathed “mystery” file.
I still hate not knowing.
Some lessons you learn and some answers you find one day. And some you can only hold lightly and
pray that the unknowning doesn’t crush you.
I wish I had known that earlier.
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